Modified Honda Civic Owner Refuses to Work from Home Because He Loves Commuting… to Nowhere
Ryan Mitchell, 28, from Milton Keynes has flat-out refused to work from home, despite his job as an IT support technician requiring nothing more than a laptop, WiFi, and a basic grasp of sarcasm.
Why? Because Ryan didn’t invest tons of cash modifying his JDM Honda Civic just to let it sit outside his council flat.
After spending over £600 on his lowered, cherry-vape-scented, drum-n-bass-blasting masterpiece, Ryan can’t stand the thought of it being wasted on a stationary existence.
So, with no office to commute to, he’s created his own daily routine, so that his automotive masterpiece can be seen:
🚗 Drive to the local McDonald’s.
☕ Order the cheapest coffee on the menu.
💻 Use their free WiFi to work remotely.
🚗 Park his Civic near the drive-thru exit for maximum exposure.
“It’s not about the coffee,” Ryan explained. “It’s about letting people see my car. The work-from-home lot just don’t get it.”
The Daily Commute to Nowhere
Every morning, Ryan carefully selects his outfit, ensuring maximum visibility of his Stone Island badge. After all, what’s the point of having a Stone Island jumper if people don’t see the logo at least 17 times a day?
He then spends 15 minutes “warming up” the Civic, which mostly consists of:
🔊 Adjusting his drum-n-bass playlist to exactly the right volume—loud enough to rattle the neighbours windows but not so loud that it drowns out the burble from his performance exhaust.
💨 Vaping copious amounts of cherry-scented juice until the interior looks like a haunted house at Halloween.
🎨 Polishing the car’s bonnet just in case he encounters any “haters” who dare not to look directly at his masterpiece.
With nowhere in particular to go, Ryan happily joins the morning commuter traffic, purely for the thrill of:
🚦 Revving his engine at every set of lights
🚦 Slowly rolling past bus stops while making prolonged eye contact with strangers
🚦 Occasionally lowering his sunglasses to get a better look at his own reflection in shop windows
“I don’t actually have an office to drive to, but I like to pretend I do,” Ryan admitted. “There’s just something about bumper-to-bumper traffic that really gets the adrenaline going. Plus, you can’t vape at home without your mum having a go at you.”
The McDonald’s Workaround
Since working from home is “for mugs”, Ryan’s innovative solution is to spend his days sat in McDonald’s car parks, sipping £1.29 coffees and using their free WiFi.
To maximize his Civic’s visibility, he:
🍟 Parks as close to the drive-thru exit as humanly possible, ensuring maximum exposure to SUV-driving parents who couldn’t care less.
🚗 Occasionally sits in the driver’s seat with his arm hanging out the window, strategically showing off his Stone Island sleeve.
🍇 Reloads his lungs with Grape-flavoured vape juice, ensuring that the car park remains “smoky yet sophisticated.”
Ryan rotates between three local McDonald’s to avoid exceeding the Maximum Stay time, a strategy that requires military-level precision and planning.
“I have to keep moving, or I’ll get a parking fine,” he explained. “Plus, it’s good to give each branch a chance to witness the glory of my ride. It’s a public service, really.”
The Soundtrack of a Commuter King
Ryan’s playlist is legendary among the local car scene, with carefully curated drum-n-bass tracks that perfectly complement his sports exhaust burble.
“I’ve fine-tuned the audio so you can hear the bass drop and the exhaust burble in harmony. It’s musical genius, really.”
Ryan also ensures his window is always down, no matter the weather, because people need to hear the symphony.
The Future of Remote Working (Or Not)
Ryan’s manager, Steve, remains unimpressed with his choice of remote workspace.
“I keep telling him to just work from home,” Steve sighed. “But every Monday morning, there’s a fuel expense claim from ‘Client Site: McDonald’s’. I’ve given up trying to understand it.”
When asked if he’d ever consider working from home, Ryan scoffed:
“And let my Civic just sit there, unappreciated? No chance. It deserves to be seen. Plus, who wants to sit in their room when you can spend all day in Maccies, living the dream?”
Final Thoughts: Commitment to the Cause
Ryan Mitchell may be spending more on fuel and vape juice than he actually earns, but that’s not the point.
His daily “commute” to nowhere is about passion, visibility, and the unwavering belief that everyone needs to see and hear his JDM Civic.
So next time you see a heavily modified Honda Civic parked in a McDonald’s car park, blasting drum-n-bass and emitting enough cherry-scented vape to cause localised fog warnings, give him a nod.
You’re looking at a man truly dedicated to his craft.
And if you’re wondering where he’s going?
Absolutely nowhere. 🚗💨🍒