A 31-year-old man from Milton Keynes has proudly declared that he no longer uses his car’s rearview mirror for its intended purpose, claiming it is now “exclusively reserved for checking on his majestic hair.”
Bradley Trent, owner of a 2015 Audi A3 and a disturbingly inflated sense of self-worth, says the idea of using the mirror to watch traffic is “pointless,” stating:
“I already know I’m ahead of everyone. The real danger would be not knowing if my parting’s still sharp.”
Bradley was first spotted at a junction, applying precision pomade while the queue of cars behind him snaked around two corners and into another postcode.
“They were all beeping,” he said, “but not because they were angry. That’s the sound of admiration. They see a man with great hair and they lose control. Can’t blame them really.”
The Mirror Is For Me, Not Thee
Sources close to Bradley (mostly his own reflection) say he frequently re-angles the mirror before every journey to ensure optimal follicle visibility, often adjusting it mid-drive to catch different lighting on his fringe.
“Look, objects in mirror may be closer than they appear – but so is greatness,” he smirked.
According to witnesses, Bradley once stopped at a roundabout for six minutes, allegedly because he was debating whether a side-swept or slick-back better matched the contours of his jawline.
Road Safety Experts Concerned but Impressed
Road safety groups have raised eyebrows – and ironically, so has Bradley.
“He’s a hazard,” said PC Laura Neville. “But a well-groomed one. It’s like watching a cologne advert crash into a traffic report.”
One AA instructor admitted he was torn:
“On the one hand, he’s a menace. On the other, I haven’t seen hair that shiny since the 2014 L’Oréal conference. It’s conflicting.”
Final Thoughts
Bradley has no plans to change his habits.
In fact, he’s now petitioning car manufacturers to replace all rearview mirrors with vanity mirrors featuring soft LED lighting and a setting for “windswept mode.”
“If they want to know what’s behind me, they should speed up. Until then, I’ll be backcombing my legacy.”
🚗🪞💁♂️
Because checking your blind spot is less important than making sure your fade is still flawless.