Man Installs Fake Engine Noise in EV to Feel More Manly
“It sounds like a V8… on the inside. On the inside, it’s still whispering scarily.”
Gavin Myers, 39, from Basingstoke, has confessed to installing a fake engine noise system inside his silent electric car, saying the eerie quiet of his EV was beginning to erode his sense of manhood.
“I used to drive a diesel Mondeo that sounded like it was chewing gravel,” Gavin explained.
“Now I’ve got a Nissan Leaf that glides silently like a librarian on roller skates. I couldn’t live like that.”
The Deathly Silence of Self-Reflection
After months of hearing nothing but the soft hum of electricity and his own internal screaming, Gavin had had enough.
“Every time I accelerated, I heard my own thoughts. Do you know what that’s like?
It’s just me, the whir of economy, and the voice in my head going:
‘You used to be someone.’”
Introducing: GrowlTron X9000 (for the Inside Only)
Desperate, Gavin turned to the GrowlTron X9000, a £499 fake engine sound system that plays beefy V8 noises directly through the car’s interior speakers — purely for the driver’s comfort.
Now, every gentle press of the accelerator is greeted with a deep mechanical growl, even though, in reality, the Leaf is still quietly negotiating speed bumps like an apologetic ironing board.
“It sounds like a V8… on the inside,” Gavin says proudly.
“But underneath it all, it’s still whispering scarily.”
Fake Horsepower, Real Emotion
With the system installed, Gavin says he finally feels “emotionally roadworthy” again.
“I don’t care that no one else hears it. I hear it.
And it tells me I’m still dangerous. Even if my car has a heated steering wheel and a boot shaped like a slow cooker.”
He’s even programmed the sound pack to change depending on his mood:
- Monday Mornings: Subaru rally car
- Payday: Corvette Z06
- Bad traffic: Monster truck idling menacingly
- School run: “Just screams”
Drivers Across Britain Are Joining In
Surveys suggest 1 in 4 EV owners are now looking into “in-cabin masculinity boosters”, with some models offering extra features like:
- Fake turbo spool noises when changing lanes
- Subwoofer rumble during overtaking
- Optional “existential dread muting” for solo motorway driving
Final Thoughts
Gavin’s journey from emotional silence to simulated thunder might seem ridiculous, but for many modern men raised on Fast & Furious and Top Gear reruns, it’s a necessary fix.
“I don’t want to scare pedestrians. I want to scare my doubts,” Gavin said, adjusting his gear selector that doesn’t even do anything.
“Sure, I’m in an electric hatchback with leaf-patterned seats…
but inside, I’m driving a f***ing beast.”
🔊⚡🚗
Because sometimes, being a man means lying to yourself… but in surround sound.
