A 49-year-old man from Doncaster has claimed that washing his car with holy water has dramatically improved its performance, spiritual health, and ability to start on cold mornings.
Barry “Rev” Henshaw, a part-time delivery driver and full-time conspiracy enthusiast, insists that his 2006 Ford Focus Zetec began “purring like a divine kitten” after he ditched supermarket shampoo in favour of blessed water sourced from his local parish.
“I tried everything,” Barry told reporters. “Fuel injector cleaner, premium unleaded, even shouting at it… but nothing worked. Then I thought: why not bless the bugger?”
Armed with a reused Lucozade bottle labeled ‘HOLY WATER – DO NOT DRINK (again)’, Barry gave his car what he describes as “a full Vatican rinse.” Within minutes, he claims the difference was biblical.
“The engine note changed. The gears stopped grinding. Even the air freshener started to smell like frankincense,” Barry said. “That’s when I knew – it was working.”
The Miracle of the Misfire
Barry, who failed his GCSE science three times, believes the water’s divine pH balance restored his car’s “spiritual camshaft alignment,” a concept not recognised by any branch of mechanics or religion.
He has since developed a three-step ritual, involving Gregorian chanting, gentle circular washing motion with a sponge from Poundland, and whispering the words “forgive me, for I have revved” into the exhaust pipe.
Local Reactions Vary
Reactions from the local motoring community have been mixed.
🗣️ Tina from Kwik Fit:
“We checked the car. It’s still terrible. The brakes are worn, the tyres are bald, and the exhaust is held up with a bent spoon. But hey, if Jesus is doing the MOT, who are we to judge?”
🗣️ Father Neil from St Luke’s Parish:
“We don’t typically hand out holy water for automotive use. But Barry promised he wouldn’t try to exorcise the sat nav again.”
Heavenly Horsepower?
Barry’s now offering his own “Divine Detail Package” for local drivers. For just £35 and a KitKat Chunky, he’ll personally bless your vehicle with what he calls a “full mechanical baptism.”
“It’s not just a wash,” Barry said, wiping his bonnet with a tea towel covered in crucifixes. “It’s a resurrection.”
And when asked what’s next for his miracle maintenance method?
“I’m currently developing a holy oil change kit,” he grinned. “All I need is anointing oil, WD-40, and half a rosary.”
Final Thoughts
So, does holy water really improve fuel economy?
Is divine intervention the new diesel additive?
Probably not.
But in these times of high fuel prices and unreliable Focuses, a bit of blind faith might just be the most reliable thing under your bonnet.