Most dads buy sensible, family cars to keep their kids happy. Not Damon Wilkins, 40, from Scunthorpe. His reasoning? Genius!
Damon has spent years modifying his Mk4 Ford Mondeo TDCi into something hideously embarrassing so that his children refuse to be picked up from school by him.
“If they don’t want to be seen in me Mondy, that’s more time for me to spend my Universal Credit on energy drinks and playing Gran Turismo 7 on my PS4,” he explained.
The Modifications – A Masterclass in Embarrassment
What started as a normal-looking Mondeo diesel has now evolved into a rolling monstrosity. The modifications include:
🔹 A massive eBay spoiler that wobbles in high winds
🔹 Lurid green underglow lighting that makes it look like a teenage mutant ninja turtle
🔹 “Ford Racing” stickers despite the fact it’s barely pushing 115bhp
🔹 A custom exhaust that sounds like a swarm of angry bees stuck in a biscuit tin
🔹 Oversized aftermarket alloys that rub on every speed bump in town
“It’s the perfect setup,” Damon says. “If I get even the slightest idea that the brats want me to go to the next nativity play, I just pop along to Halfords again.”
A Local Legend Amongst Other Dads
Damon’s antics have not gone unnoticed.
“I’m a bit of a legend amongst the other dads,” he claims. “They think it’s genius. We all know the pain of getting dragged to school concerts and having to pretend we care about flute solos.”
One dad, Gary, 42, admitted:
“Damon’s on to something. I used to get guilt-tripped into parent evenings, but then I bought a roof scoop for my diesel Astra. Haven’t been invited since.”
The Future of “Embarrassment Tuning”
Damon isn’t done yet. His future plans for the Mondeo include:
🔹 A bonnet vent that serves no purpose
🔹 Lambo doors (enough said)
🔹 Even louder Air Horns
🔹 Bigger Speakers for his Drum-n-Base
“I won’t stop until my kids deny all relation to me,” he says proudly.
With one final sip of his third Monster Energy of the morning, he fires up his illegally mapped diesel, drowning out all other sound within a 200-metre radius and rolls off into the sunset, knowing that he’s truly mastered the art of parental freedom.
FINAL WORD:
This Mondeo is actually for sale on eBay. Damon is moving on to a Modified Vauxhall Zafira because he needs more room for his Carp fishing gear, so if you want to follow in the footsteps of a legend, just click the link below.
